Good Bye Two. You were a wonderful fish. We loved you very much.

We had another difficult night tonight. Ugh, I decided to tell K that his fish died. The truth is that his fish died a couple weeks back. He has been asking to feed his fish, and I've been avoiding it. I've told him that I already feed the fish that day, or that Daddy had, or we would do it later. I feel horrible for not telling the truth, but I just didn't want to break his heart. Ugh. Tonight, he refused to let it go. He wanted to feed his fish, and see his fish. Oh man. I wasn't sure if he was ready to understand. I knew I had to tell him something at some point. I told him that his fish had been sick, and that he had died. I broke his heart. He burst into tears.

I wish I would have just gone to the store and replaced it...

That was heart breaking. That was tough. I hope that what I did was the right thing to do. I told him that Two was up with God now in heaven. I held him why he cried. I tried to answer his questions the best that I could. He had plenty of questions. Where is heaven? Is his fish coming back? Can I talk to God, and ask for his fish back? He seemed to understand that " died" means that someone is gone forever. But, the emotions behind that thought were very difficult.  He had taken care of his fish, so he didn't understand why this was happening. He also made it clear that if he couldn't have that fish back, he didn't want another one. He wanted that specific fish back, his fish. Oh man. I tried to put some positive things into his head to comfort him. Like, God is taking care of his fish now.  And that Two was a very good fish, and sometimes things just happen in life...not an accident, not because it's someone's fault, but it just happened and we don't know why. I told him he could pick out another fish. After about an hour of tears, he decided he did want another fish. So we will go look for one in the next couple days.

I hope that was the right decision. That was really tough, he understood a lot more than I thought he would. Ugh. You have a huge heart sweet boy. I only want to help you take care of it. I never want to hurt it. I hope what I did tonight was the right thing. I will always be here for you. I love you more than you will ever know. And I'm so proud of you. You are one brave little man. You did great.